I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
