She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Randomize
