i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
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