I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
