Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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