I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
