I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
