I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
