I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Randomize
