I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
