Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
