So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
