i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
