i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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