How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
