you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
