My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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