some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
