i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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