you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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