Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
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