Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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