i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
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