im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Tell her she can't have a vagina
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
