I need to stop coming to work sober
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
