i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
