Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
