I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
