walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
