So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
