Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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