marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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