shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
