i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
