my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
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