ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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