I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize
