it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize
