Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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