i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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