so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Randomize
