How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Randomize
