I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
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