i just made my gag reflex go away.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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