Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
