i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
