sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
