Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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