the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
