My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
