i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
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She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
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Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
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