Just mADE A PArabola og urine
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
