I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
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