Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize