Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
