capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
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