So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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