I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
do herpes really smell.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
