Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize